Albert Pujols is “The Machine” with a BQ?

well it was 3-0 with the reds in the lead then jarret hoffpauir made his major leauge debute in a pinch hit and was walked on 4 pitches then the bases where loaded and albert hit his 10th grand slam in his career which broke the cardinal record of 9 grandslams in a career and it took the lead from the reds.
Albert Pujols is “The Machine” lol

oh and it was his 31st homer of the year

BQ:how homers do you think pujols will have this year?
so atleast albert isnt a fat*** vegetarian like prince fielder

Will the Yankees acquiring Nick Swisher affecting there approach towards Mark Teixeira?

Since Nick Swisher does play first base and all, I was just wondering if it will affect there approach of how they go after Mark Teixeira and all, I certainly do not want Jason Giambi back at first base and all, he is a good fielder, but I feel he is just past his prime and can not get the job done anymore. As for Nick Swisher playing in the outfield in 2009, I was wondering if it also affects the Yankees approach to re-signing Bobby Abreu, WHO I WANT TO COME BACK TO THE YANKEES IN 2009! he is an RBI machine and an offensive contributor and is great defensively in right field, Brett Gardner too? Melky? what will the Yankees do with this crowded outfield?

Johnny Damon, Hideki Matsui, Brett Gardner, and Melky in Left
Johnny Damon, Nick Swisher, Brett Gardner, and Melky in Center
Bobby Abreu, Nick Swisher and Melky in Right

Sure it gives the Yankees a lot of depth in the outfield, but with all those guys fighting for playing time in 2009, i can just not see how Nick Swisher can fit into the Yankees plans in that over-crowded outfield. Which means the Yankees definitely have plans for him at first-base, I DON’T WANT THAT HAPPENING! I WANT THEM TO BRING IN TEIXEIRA! sure Swisher can produce offensively, but I would like him in the outfield in 2009, Johnny Damon as the DH along some times with Hideki Matsui, also is there a possibility the Yankees are going to trade Johnny Damon away? because it just seems as if hes not in the Yankees plans anymore because he is getting old and hes starting to become a bad defender, he has a weak arm, and whats the point of him staying with the Yankees?

Also whats the Yankees plans about picking up C.C. Sabathia and A.J Burnett? one day to go and I feel like the Yankees are going to clean up shop this off-season and have a great team in 2009, I want them to build a dynasty and there not going to do it with lousy defenders and un-productive offense. Its time for some major change in the pitching, outfield, and first base departments!

SPECIFIC ANSWERS!!!!!!!

Do you like clean hilarious jokes?

Falling Off The Horse

The old time pastor was galloping down the road, rushing to get to church on time.
Suddenly his horse stumbled and pitched him to the ground.
In the dirt with a broken leg, the pastor called out,
“All you saints in Heaven, help me get up on my horse!”

Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto the horse’s back and fell off the other side.

Once again on the ground, he called to Heaven, “All right, just half of you this time!”

==========

A Joke Backfires

A preacher, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and
better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.

One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd’s attention, said, 
”The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn’t my wife!” The crowd was 
shocked! He followed up by saying, “And that woman was my mother!” – The crowd burst into laughter 
and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.

The next week, the pastor decided he’d give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. 
As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It 
suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.

Getting to the microphone he said loudly, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of 
another woman that was not my wife!” The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing 
there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the 
pastor finally blurted out, “…and I can’t remember who she was!”

=====
Secret Sin

Three pastors went to the pastor convention and were all sharing one room.
The first pastor said, “Let’s confess our secret sins one to another.
I’ll start – my secret sin is I just love to gamble.
When I go out of town, it’s cha-ching cha-ching, let the machines ring.”

The second pastor said, “My secret sin is that I just hate working. 
I copy all my sermons from those given by other pastors.”

The third pastor said, “My secret sin is gossiping and, oh boy, I just can’t wait to get out of this room!”

what is it called when you can remember sounds like a photographic memory?

when people talk to me, I can remember exactly, not only what they say, but in the exact pitch they say it in. i can go back in my memory and it replays like its coming out of a voice recorder. even if tons of people talk to me after them i can still remember. comes in handy at work. also people tell me i have super human hearing, i can hear what people are whispering, clear across the room in a crowded area such as a restaurant, or over loud machines. also i can hear things that one one else can such as my cell phone vibrating clear across my house. its just a little strange sometimes.

Can Someone edit my 3 para essay?

You dont have to have read the story , just in terms of structure etc
THE NIGHT FACE UP
ANALYTICAL ESSAY

“The Night Face Up” is a short story embedded with complexities, written by Julio Cortazar. This story reveals a mysterious adventure which takes place in both reality and in the mind of the protagonist. The story takes place in the both the present reality of the protagonist and also in his unconscious thoughts. The unexpected trip starts when the protagonist goes through a minor motorcycle accident, and is immediately taken to a hospital for medical attention. During the time that he is admitted in the hospital, he is kept in a ward with other patients. Here he starts dreaming of a time that is completely different from the present. The smell of the hospital and the medical treatment that he is given makes him very uncomfortable, and he suffers from hospital phobia. In the concluding paragraph, Cortazar does not clarify how the story is exactly supposed to be analyzed, since it is fiction, but from several interpretations it is derived that the protagonist dies from a very high fever while having a very dreadful nightmare in which he sees himself being slaughtered by savages. In this short story Cortazar uses several different techniques that are very effective in revealing important aspects of the story. The central conflict of the text exists between the concept of a modern, civilized world and a violent, savage world. The two different settings in the story tell us a lot about how differently the author sees both worlds in terms of human behaviour and physical environment.
Cortazar uses the technique of contrasting images to create a unique sense in his story, which ultimately helps to communicate the central conflict taking place in the story. “The Night Face Up” has two different settings. The first setting is a modern and civilized world. Cortazar illustrates the image of this environment when he writes about streets made for vehicles, traffic lights, present concrete structures (buildings), stores, electrical machines, clocks, and other modern inventions. By providing such details it is understood that the setting of the story is of a very recent world, and that this environment is the reality of the protagonist. Everything seems in place and in order. Cortazar further describes the wellness of the civilization when the protagonist of the story goes through the accident. He writes, “The guard shook his hand and wished him luck…meanwhile they were pushing him on a wheeled stretcher towards a pavilion further back, rolling along under trees full of birds”(Cortazar 31). It portrays the idea, that the people, including the guard are very courteous are caring. They are there to help people in need, as they helped the protagonist get to the hospital for medical attention. Through this technique of contrasting images of the setting of the story, Cortazar successfully creates a generic idea among the minds of the readers, of how one should expect to be treated in a modern and civilized world.
The main idea of the story relies evenly on the other setting of the story, which depicts a savage, violent and uncivilized world. During the dream sequence, the protagonist goes through a very dreadful situation where he finds himself as a member of the Motecas tribe which is being hunted and slaughtered by the Aztec tribe. Cortazar writes, “He realized that he was running in pitch darkness…his feet sank into a bed of leaves and mud…the hand that had unconsciously gripped the haft of the dagger climbed like a fen scorpion up to his neck…at the same time he felt his ankles sinking deeper into the mud”(Cortazar 84). The protagonist attempts to run from the ‘hunters’, to save him self from being slaughtered. He is in a rough location, where he is tripping and falling, and making his way through the marshes and pointed barks, to save himself from being caught. By showing this contrast between the two settings of the story, Cortazar has made determined that the modern world is very civilized and a safe place to live in, where as the ‘dream’ world of savages is very unsafe and violent towards humanity and has no qualities of being a civilized nation.
In analyzing the central argument between both a modern, and savage world in Cortazar’s “The Night Face Up”, it is concluded that a modern world teaches people to be helpful and giving towards living creatures that are in need. A modern world transforms a society to live in accordance to the rules and regulations of humanity, and to keep peace in the surroundings. It also reflects the idea of being fair towards others, and treating everyone the way they deserve to be treated. Where as a savage world is a world of violence where ‘might has the right’. There are no rules and regulations, and only the people in power take advantage of the people who are weak, and make them suffer. Julio Cortazar has been very successful in relating the two worlds descr
i have done as much as i can and got a bad mark b4 ..my teachers like the thesis is not clear so i revised it and this is how it looks now

What do you think of this poem?

I found a turtle shell
I grasped that turtle shell in my hands.
I saw a turtle
I picked it up and took it with me.
I saw a baby fish
so I filled that turtle shell with water
and put that fish in it.
I saw a seagull
I cleaned it’s wings but it could not fly
so I took that seagull with me.
I saw a seahorse
It could not breathe
so I held it and brought it back with me.
I saw an otter,
it was too late for her,
so I took her babies back with me
I saw the ocean,
it was pitch black
with what I imagined was death.
I saw the water, suffocated.
I saw the sun,
who tried perilously to return the ocean’s shine.
I saw the tower,
that tower,
the one created by man,
the one full of machines.
I had warned agianst them,
and I had asked for help.
No one could,
and no one would do anything to help.
SO I TOOK MY FRIENDS,
THE TURTLE, THE FISH, THE SEAGULL, THE SEAHORSE, AND THE OTTORS,
and TOGETHOR,
TOGETHOR, WE MADE A SCENE.

Help calculating the mechanical advantage of a wrench turning a screw?

I can’t remember back to my days of learning about simple machines. I am working on a project that needs 100-250 psi of clamping force and want to figure out if my systems will be enough.

To get this force, I am tightening several nuts onto bolts with a wrench. I do not have a torque wrench and have no desire to buy one. I am just trying to do some theoretical math.

The wrench is 6 inches long. The bolt the nut is going onto is 3/8 diameter with 16 threads per inch (1/16 pitch).

Would calculating the mechanical advantage of the screw (bolt) and wrench and then adding them together and then multiplying that times the amount of force I could put on the wrench calculate the pressure per screw? If not how would you do it?

Matchups…… Greatness vs Greatness.. Who and why?

1927 Yankees *Murderers Row* 110-44
Vs
1906 Chicago Cubs *Tinkers to Evers to Chance* 116-36

1998 Yankees 114-48 “I’ll sure tell ya, They might not hit a ton of HRs, but they sure can single and double you to death” -Jerry Coleman~ SD Padres Announcer
Vs
!975 Reds *The Big Red Machine 108-54

1961 Yankees 109-53 *The M&M Boys*
Vs
1928 Philidelphia Athletics 98-55 They had best Offense and Best Pitching in league and 6 HOF’rs, People will say the 1929 team because they wonthe WS, but this team was better, it was scarey good hitting and pitching, just ran into the buzzsaw 28′ Yankees and lost.

1934 Cardinals 95-58 *the Gashouse Gang*
Vs
1995 Cleveland Indians 100-44 Amazing Offense, but not much else was amazing about them.
John…

I think you just did and i bet he knows, just It’s about Mantle and his brain can get all googly when its about Mantle…. Like Me with Mattingly and Paul Oneill.

What hardware component inside the motherboard would be making a high pitch squeaky sound?

Sometimes, my computer intermittently makes a weird high pitch sound which can last for like 10 mins. This usually happens most often after the notebook has been on for around a few hours. Obviously, it probably generates a lot of heat considering the fan is working hard to cool down the processor and the motherboard. Also, you dont hear the sound when you are listening to some type of audio whether it be music or someone speaking. You only hear it when you dont have the speakers playing. Again, it just happens randomly and goes away pretty quickly. Has anyone on here ever any similiar experience with their machine. If so, please tell me which hardware device inside the motherboard is responsible for making this high pitch sound.

How to sleep with noise coming from noisey nieghboors?

we live on a top floor apartment floor, but our nieghboors below us have a kid who needs oxygen at night to sleep. His machines makes noise.

this noise sounds like a car idleing, and it comes up through the floor. I can’t tell them “sorry, but your kid’s oxygen machine keeps me up at night”, but does anyone have a suggestion for drowing out the noise?

earplugs make the noise worse due to the low vibrating pitch, & I’ve also tried a fan in my room to cover the noise (as long as it’s MY noise, it seems it’s o.k.)

Having established MY Noise (sound terrible I know) is accetable to me, what other things can I use?

I was think a humidifyer, t.v./ radio, or somthing else, anyone sleep with somting noisey, and how do you cope?

-Thanks

Which of these is most hard to believe?

1. Alfonso Soriano played on the high scoring Yankees and Rangers but he had a 40/40 season with the Washington Nationals.

2. After pitching countless gems with Mets. Dwight Gooden pitches his only “no hitter” with the Yankees after taking a year off from substance abuse.

3. Stan Musial had 3,630 hits. 1,815 at home and 1,815 on the road.
Is that a pure hitting machine or what?

4. David Wells threw a perfect game with a hang over from hell.

5. After 16 years Trevor Hoffman is playing baseball but not in a Padres uniform.

6. Fernando Tatis hits 2 grand slams in the same innig off of the same pitcher ( Chan Ho Park ). Can someone tell me why Park was still in there?

7. Greg Maddux winning 18 gold glove in 23 years.

8. Pedro Martinez and Roger Clemens have zero no hitters.
I don’t do thumbs down. That would be you guys kicking each other in the shins.
Chipmaker – There’s no sorta. Pedro has zero no hitters.

Gooden threw the no-hitter on the day his dad was in the hospital. I had to give him a break. The man was given a second chance and he made the most of it.

Does Korean language must sound anrgy to Native Japanese and Thai people?

well I studied Japanese and I sew a lot of words here and there that almost sound alike in Japanese and Korean like the Japanese word for newspaper, Shinbun, is almost like the Korean word Shimbum, and they both mean the same thing. I saw other words that are (borrowed from English) alike, like Coohi (Japanese), and Cooppi (Korean) which both mean Coffee. Also, the Japanese words teburu (table), terebi (t.v) are also almost the same in Korean and mean the same thing.

However have noticed one big difference, well first of all Japanese people don’t change their tones when asking a question, or making strong statements, or anything like that. In the Japanese language, people talk in a single tone. and sometimes sound like machines or robots with no emotion, just capable of human speech. But instead of raising their pitches or tones, they have words like desu (equivalent to the period), yo (equivalent to the !), ne (is like asking someone if they agree e.g. “Isn’t it?”) and ka (?)

yeah these words are put at the end of the verbs, (verbs go at the end of a sentence btw) and I noticed in Korean it is VERY similar. but yeah their “yo” is like the Japanese desu, which is supposed to be a polite form to end a sentence or phrase. (just like Desu). But however, “yo” in Japanese is used when you are making a strong statement and is being very demanding. like “baka yo!” (means “You fool” in Japanese)
also I don’t know any Thai, but I heard its about the same thing to Thai people.

also, when I put 2 o’s I don’t mean the sound as in “Boo!” I put 2 o’s to indicate a long O sound.

What could cause a very low pitch roaring in one ear?

I’m seeing three specialists for various health problems. They are baffled as to why I have a very low pitch roaring in my left ear. They’ve ruled out ear infection. I have a mild problem with early hypertension for my age (genetic condition). I’m recovering from a sinus and respiratory infection, but this started after I had used all the antibiotics. This is driving me nuts. I bought a sound machine and that helps a little. One interesting thing, I can take a half of a Vicodin pill and within minutes the roaring sound goes away. I’m wondering if this is a clue as to what is causing the noise? Since my doctors are stumped, I am hoping there will be some medical or research experts here who can help?

Dodgers’ crowded rotation: how will it be played out?

the dodgers currently have chad billingsley, randy wolf, clayton kershaw, eric stults, and jeff weaver in the rotation. all of them, with the exception of kershaw, are pitching well.
what happens when hiroki kuroda comes off the disabled list? what about jason schmidt and claudio vargas? eric milton and shawn estes are veterans who are pitching well at triple-a. the competition gets even blurrier if you include james mcdonald (sent to bullpen due to ineffectiveness) and ramon tronosco (who is lights out in the bullpen. he competed for a rotation spot in spring training)
the logical solution seems to be demote kershaw, but he’s a strikeout machine and has nasty stuff.

Anyone Help With DDR Memory Install Problems?

I have an e-machines pc, with 512mb of RAM. I bought 3 512mb cards to up the performance. There are 4 ‘slots’ in total in the machine and I understand from the specs that it would take 4 x 1GB cards max, so I will only be putting in a total of 1/2 of what it would take.

I installed the cards, just slotting them into place. Then I tried to restart the PC and it wouldn’t start, plus it made a high pitch noise.

So… I’ve obviously done something wrong.

Could anyone help me please? And with simple, layperson’s words, if at ALL possible?

Thank you in advance
Additional/Edit : Nope, everything is in fine oder. I took the new cards back out, switched on and am currently using the same PC, with it’s old 512mb card

Mt. Dew Collection…HELP?

Hey guys, i have a collection of mt. dew items. but the main things to my collection is the actual pop. and i was wondering where i could get some of the past mt. dews like supernova, revolution, pitch black, pitch black II, mt. dew red(not code red), etc. also if u could tell me where i could find memorabilia, vending machines and such. and if u can find way old ones then gr8. If u get me some really awesome stuff i’ll get u 100 pts but otherwise whoever gets the most links gets the best answer.
Oh and also dont say eBay or online auctions like that. Cuz thats the 1st thing i checked

LINKS…..please and ty lol

Should I still put up with my best friend when she acts so insecure?

Me and my friend have been friends for about three of four years. She comes over almost every week when she is not grounded. She has started calling me ugly and stupid when she is mad and every girl or guy I like. I liked this cute guy at the grocery store and I went grocery shopping with her and my sister and she hugged the dude and then for weeks she laughed at me for not having the guts to go up to a stranger and hug them. She is so insecure she knows I have self esteem issues and she steady calls me ugly when I make her mad. When we are arguing she will start hitting me and slapping the shi* out off me. One night she spent the night and she started arguing at me for talking in my sleep and she slapped me lol. I have anxiety issues and we we’re in the mall and I asked her to go up to the drink machine with me and she started cussing me out and pulling her chair and pitching a fit in front of everyone. She has been taking something because all of a sudden she has changed. How do I tell her that she is being so insecure and shallow. I love her but I don’t wanna put up with her abusiveness

8 Morons Of 2005?

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line
shouting, “Please come out and give yourself up!”

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka KS Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too
small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When
detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,” the man shouted, “That’s not what I said!”

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes
apart.” “Is this her first child?” the doctor asked. “No!” the man shouted, “This is her husband!”

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (Hellooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer down on Lake Isabella , located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield CA , some folks
new to boating were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 foot boat going. It was very
sluggish in almost every maneuver no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby
marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So one of the marina guys
jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place… was the trailer!

How can I resolve the high pitched whining noise coming from my computer?

It’s an old family computer – Intel Celeron 2.4, 1 GB RAM, 320 GB HDD, Nvidia FX 5200.

It’s not the fans, not the hard disk or any other drive and not the PSU. I’m fairly certain it’s not some moving part and is coming from the area around the processor area instead. It seems to increase in intensity upon increased load to the system but is continuous.

It’s very whiny and high pitched and irritating. It’s driving me mad. However, it doesn’t seem to bother my family–they barely notice it. Which means I cannot make them not turn on the machine, which means I’m bound to suffer for eternity.

I NEED TO FIX THIS!

Mac vs. PC; which would you choose and why?

I’m writing a Senior Research paper on the Mac vs. PC controversy and I’d really like some opinions. (Please only answer if you’re serious)
Please give me at least two reasons why you would buy either machine. I’m a little on the fence about which one I like most, so forming your answers like a sales pitch isn’t a bad idea ^__^
Thanks in advance!